“What’s the magic word?”
You probably can’t remember the first time you were asked that question—well-meaning but patronizing at the same time. It was probably asked by a parent, grandparent, or caregiver—a reinforcement and reminder that being well-mannered will get you things and being ill-mannered won’t.
(It doesn’t take too long to discover that some people are ill-mannered and still get all the things…. But that’s an aside for another conversation sometime).
“What’s the magic word?”
Translation: “You forgot to say please or thank you.” Sometimes: “I am enjoying some small measure of power over you—I have what you want—and I’d like to be a touch passive-aggressive right now.”
What we learn is that there’s a specific order of things when we’re being polite. Please, followed by the request; thank you, whether that request is fulfilled or not.
These cultural norms aren’t bad expectations to have—they us a good shorthand when interacting with others and signal social awareness.
But social conventions can—some inadvertently and others purposefully—misshape the way we view and communicate with God and others, truly impacting our relationship with God, others, and our purpose.
In our relationship with God and in the stuff of life—especially as we try to navigate our toughest moments like…
- The death of a loved one
- Job loss
- Losing custody of a child
- A suck-the-air-out-of-the-room diagnosis
- An indignity or assault or other victimization
- Wondering what has gone so horribly wrong
- Being desperate for something, anything to change
- A circumstance beyond our control; a problem beyond our solution…
—there are no magic words. There is no predetermined formula for how to make things new or set things right or find things better.
BUT I am convinced God wants us to experience what is new and find what is wrong set right.
Over the next few posts, we’ll look at some of the “magic words” we’ve been taught or become accustomed to and discover what it can look like to be free of them in our pursuit of wholeness and vibrant relationship with God.
